she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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