I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
