i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
