Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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