i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
