I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I would ride that face into the sunset
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
