If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
