I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
3pm strippers are depressing
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
