so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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