you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
