turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
