We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
