can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
