Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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