It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I need help removing her.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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