if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
