If that was your dad, he is hot
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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