i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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