At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
my being single is dangerous.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
