Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
