The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
