my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
