i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
