I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
