Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
