In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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