im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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