my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
