eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
