I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
