I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
