Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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