I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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