Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize