I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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