I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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