pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
