you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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