There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
