It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
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If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize