Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I love you.
Bad choice
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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