Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
