I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
