look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am one with the molecules
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
