This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
