I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
