you guys were way drunker than both of me
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
