Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
