i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
