I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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