Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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