I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.