i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.