call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.