I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
