i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that