Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
