No stitches, just platelets and will power
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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