Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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