Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
