you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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