I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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