But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
