That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
