We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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