She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I will be naked everywhere
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
