bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
