we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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