I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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