considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
