kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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